Russia. For decades, the Soviet superpower has been
America’s number one rival. There was
the Cuban Missile Crisis, meddling in the 2016 elections, and on Twitter,
they challenged Tom Cruise to an MMA fight,
and nobody can figure out why. And just when we thought Russia’s antics couldn’t get
any crazier, a few days ago, they pulled
this move on the high seas. We begin this evening
with a dangerously close call on the high seas
between a Russian destroyer and a U.S. warship. Those ships coming
within feet of one another, forcing the Americans
to take drastic action to avoid a disastrous collision. MAN 2: This image capturing
just how close the ships came
to a catastrophic collision. As little as 50 feet,
according to the U.S. Navy. This video from the deck
of the U.S.S. Chancellorsville showing the Russian destroyer
was so close, you could see Russian sailors
sunbathing on the deck. -(laughter)
-Sweet lord. (laughter) Russians are hardcore. You realize these ships are
about to crash into each other. American soldiers are like,
“Prepare for breach!” And the Russian soldiers
are like, “Dmitri, take off your shirt.” (laughter) “Let’s get suntan
before we die, yeah. Don’t want to meet Jesus
as pasty bitch.” (laughter) But this is pretty crazy, man. This is pretty crazy. A Russian warship
basically tried to ram into an American ship
in the middle of the ocean. All right,
and let’s be honest. That had to be on purpose. What other excuse is there? Do you know
how big the ocean is? You have to really
go out of your way to collide with someone. It’s like walking into someone
at Ted Cruz’s birthday party. There’s no one else there. You did you it on purpose. (laughter) Now the question is,
the question is, where would Russia get the balls to play chicken
against America in the Pacific? Well, maybe
it’s because they’ve got a new and powerful BFF. MAN: Just as President Trump
was meeting with America’s most important
allies in Europe, two of America’s
biggest adversaries were holding court in Moscow. It was a split screen
tailor-made by Russian president
Vladimir Putin. Putin hosted
Chinese president Xi Jinping. Xi calling Putin his
“best and bosom friend,” saying he cherished
their deep friendship. MAN 2: The two enjoying
a leisurely boat ride in St. Petersburg yesterday. That’s right. Xi and Putin
have gotten so close, they’re even taking boat rides
together. And not just a normal boat ride. Putin even helped Xi recreate
that scene from Titanic. He was like, “Yeah.
I’m king of the world! No. really.
China’s taking over the world!” So it’s clear, China and Russia
are really hitting it off, because you only take
a boat ride with someone if you really, really like them,
or if they’re enslaving you. But this is “liking.” Oh, and if… if you think Putin giving Xi a boat ride
is impressive, wait until you see
what Xi gave Putin in return. The leader’s visit also includes
some panda diplomacy. MAN:
During their summit, Putin and Xi showed off
their friendship with a visit to the Moscow Zoo,
where they welcomed two new Chinese pandas,
a gift from Xi to Russia. MAN: I mean, China likes you,
one of the signs of that, -you know…
-WOMAN: Alliance? MAN: …good-good alliance
and good feelings is to present you with a panda.
Russia got two. That’s right.
China gave not one, but two pandas to Russia. Which is huge. Yeah. ‘Cause one panda
can’t make babies. Two pandas also can’t,
but there’s hope. -(laughter)
-And remember, China only gives pandas
to countries when they wish to be
close allies with them, right? They actually call it
“Panda Diplomacy.” This is a real thing.
Panda Diplomacy. Not to be confused
with Panda Express Diplomacy, where I convince them
to let me use the bathroom even though
I didn’t buy anything. And technically–
this is interesting– technically, China didn’t give
Russia the pandas, right? The Russians just get to keep
the pandas for a few years. Yes. Which, by the way, applies
to every panda in the world. Yeah. China owns
every single panda at the world. So at some point
they have to go home. And I guess it’s because China doesn’t want the pandas
forgetting their Chinese roots. Imagine if you let a panda stay
in New Jersey for too long, huh? Yeah. Then when the panda
gets back to China, he’s like, “‘Ey, what the
(bleep) is this bamboo? ‘Ey! “How about some gabagool
or a nice fettuccine? Marone!” Anyway, I could talk
about pandas all day, but the point is, China and
Russia are getting super close, and the consequences for America
go beyond boat rides and cute bears. NEWSMAN: While Russia and China
continue to strengthen their economic ties,
they’re also expanding their military cooperation. Chinese troops taking part
in massive drills with Russian forces last year. The level of cooperation
between Russia and China has not been this high
since the mid-1950s. They are combining forces
against us. NEWSMAN:
They say Russia and China can coordinate cyberattacks and military moves that can
knock U.S. forces off balance. Oh, man.
China and Russia teaming up against the United States? I mean, America could probably
handle China… or Russia, but not both at the same time. Like, imagine if in Rocky IV,
Ivan Drago was fighting, and then Jackie Chan jumped
in the ring to help him. Huh? That would be
the end of Rocky. It would be done.
There’d be no Rocky V, no Rocky Balboa, no Rocky Goes to Space, no Rocky
and the Sorcerer’s Stone, and definitely
no 50 Shades of Rocky. -None of those movies.
-(laughter) Now, beyond geopolitics, the personal elements
of this bromance is probably something
that’s gonna bug Donald Trump. Because, don’t forget, he wants
to be a part of this club. He loves those dudes. We know how much
he admires Putin. He talks all the time
about he and Xi Jinping (like Trump):
are great friends. So to see his two besties
make plans without him, that’s… that’s got to hurt. Yeah. And I don’t think that
he’s dealing with his feelings in the most mature way. NEWSMAN: U.S. President
Donald Trump is threatening new tariffs on another
$300 billion in Chinese goods. This if President Xi Jinping
doesn’t meet with him at the upcoming G20 Summit. -Wow. Really, Trump?
-(laughter) He’s gonna put tariffs on China if Xi doesn’t
“hang out” with him? That is so childish. (like Trump): If you
don’t come over to my house and play video games,
then tariffs. And I get to be player one
the whole time. And what is it
with Trump using tariffs in every legal situation? Have you guys noticed this?
In every situation, Trump is using
tariffs now, right? Illegal immigration.
Tariffs on Mexico. Xi Jinping won’t have
a playdate? Tariffs on China. Melania won’t hold his hand
in public. Tariffs on Slovakia! (like Melania): But, Donald,
I am from Slovenia. (like Trump): I don’t care!
Pronounce it any way, -still tariffs.
-(laughter) So look, it’s clear
what’s happening here. President Trump… you’re feeling neglected
by President Xi. But instead of lashing out, why don’t you work
on your relationship, man? You know? Forget tariffs.
Maybe talk to Xi. Tell him how you’re feeling. And if that doesn’t work, try
and spice things up, you know? Yeah. Dress up as something
you know China’s really into. -Yeah.
-(laughter) Who could resist?