Australia, are you ready for census day?
The census is important it enables the government to make wise
policy decisions for the future. Just kidding, as if we’d do that! In the past, we had a deal: you agreed to give us your personal
information and we agreed to record it anonymously. This made it safe for you to
complete the census truthfully. This year we’ll be doing things differently. For the
first time ever we’ll be conducting the census online and demanding you provide
your name and address which will be stored along with your answers and your
IP address… FOR EVER Now, you might be thinking this
all sounds super dodgy but… Look over there! A rare Pokemon! Oh, you’re still here? Ok it might sound dodgy but there’s
no need to worry. Your personal data will be totes safe with us We take privacy seriously: that’s why our
state of the art servers have only been hacked 14 times in the past three years.
And we will not sell or share your collected data with anyone else we’re not like Facebook. No, at least
with them you made the choice to let them mine your data. With us, it’s mandatory. So relax, this new census policy
is just to make sure we can provide better tailored services in the
future such as easily identifying Muslim
households and other persecuted minorities once full blown fascism comes
to Australia So get on board; we don’t want anyone to
miss out on the biggest invasion of privacy ever perpetrated on the
Australian population That’s why we’ll fine you one $180 for each day that passes without completing your census Of course, you could boycott the census
or request the paper form, where you can choose not to provide your name. That
would send a clear signal that you have finally had enough of the ongoing attack
on your privacy. But we know that you don’t give a shit about privacy! Census Day Get in line on August 9 or get a fine!